Wednesday, 2 January 2019

Looking Back on 2018

Ah, the typical yearly reflection post. Some people are so negative about the new year, but I'm stereotypically cliche about it. What can be so bad about a bit of retrospect and self-development?

I'm one of those people that always starts a resolution from the very start of the year, normally this is trying to eat more healthily, or going vegetarian like I did at the beginning of this year. Obviously I start these goals on the 2nd of January when the hangover has subsided - because no one can start their healthy regime when they're hungover, right?

The new year brings new opportunities and essentially a blank slate. The prospect of this both excites and terrifies me at the same time. So many possibilities, but also so many pressures and opportunities to fail.

2018 has felt a bit like a year of limbo for me. In 2017 I achieved more than I'd ever imagined for myself. I finished my degree and graduated with a 2:1 after some of the hardest years of my life. I reached my target weight after losing four stone in just over a year - most of which I lost in 2017. I went to Ibiza for the summer to work for the first time, experiencing so many new things and having the time of my life.

In comparison, I haven't had half as many personal successes in 2018. I have managed to keep the weight off, and I went to Ibiza for a second season. But somehow, to me, these seem like continued achievements rather than new ones. I've ended the year unemployed, in a limbo of job applications and interviews, so looking back on 2018 doesn't seem as significant to me as 2017 did this time last year.

The latter part of this year seems to have been particularly stagnant for me. This, paired with the inevitable comparison with my friends, has really made me question the stage I'm at in my life.  I have friends just beginning their graduate schemes or that have secured their first job on their career ladder, and friends that have moved into their first homes with their boyfriends. I'm so happy for all of them and I know that we're all at completely different stages of life, but I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind. 

I know that this pressure only comes from myself, but where I am in my life doesn't measure up to where I thought I would be. I'm not sure if that's down to comparison, or the fact that I'm still not even entirely sure where it is that I want to be. All I know is that I'm nowhere near the stage of buying my first home, and I don't even know what I really want to be doing as a job.

But that's okay.

These aren't the only markers of success and identity.

Everyone's on their own journey, so I promise I'm not being completely pessimistic about 2018, because this is also setting me up to be quite hopeful about what 2019 will bring.

It's most definitely going to bring me a new job - hopefully sooner rather than later - and one that I enjoy, will challenge me, and that I can progress within. This stagnation means that I'm more prepared for whatever 2019 brings, and I'm ready to give it my all.

Not only this, but I'm going to set myself challenges to make sure that I can say I've achieved more at the end of next year. I'm not saying that life is all about goals, because sometimes fixating on them can bring unnecessary pressure and stress. It's very easy to constantly move onto a new goal rather than congratulating yourself on what you've already achieved. But, I know that setting myself a few reachable goals will make sure that I feel more accomplished at the end of next year.

Jumper - Topshop
Dress - Boohoo
Bag - eBay

I want to post on here even more regularly with new and exciting content, and buy a new camera so that I can get back into my YouTube channel again. Whilst I'm still living at home I want to make the most of the spare time that I have, so I'm also going to rejoin the gym and try and be healthy after all of the rubbish I've eaten over Christmas - isn't that one of everyone's resolutions?

Maybe that resolution will have to wait a few days though, as I'm not through the christmas chocolates and Pringles just yet...

Happy New Year everyone, here's to an amazing 2019.

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